How common is "sir" as a pronoun said by waiters at restaurants?

I’ve never heard this. If a waiter wanted to refer to a man in a question sentence they would probably say “the gentleman”.

This is not normal unless you are literally Dobby the House Elf.

If I sat down at a restaurant and the waiter said "what would Ma'am like?", I would genuinely think they were making fun of me! I am confident in saying you would not hear that at all in Australia. Even "what would you like, sir/ma'am?" would be considered a bit much here in a lot of contexts.

In the States—and I presume across the pond, too—this sort of usage reflects the type of propriety that the professional servility class would engage in. Butlers, valets, waiters, etc.

ok the second line is from Tom Cardy's "Red flags" so not the best source but yeah, waiters are always varying amounts of deferential, but most places would not use sir or ma'am. For example in that music video, it's supposed to be a very high end resteraunt, in which case they would *maybe* use sir. To be honest i've never been to places like that, but i've been to many others and it's just not common

yes, but uh, don't. it's very... "I am your absolutely devoted servant and will not even consider referring to you with the pronoun I use for everyone else". To the point it brings to mind fetish things for me. There may have been some legitimate usage over a century ago, but in modern times, just don't, not even actual houseservants with a very traditional bent would consider it.

“Sir” is a vocative noun, never a pronoun in my usage. From south of Canada.

this is rarely ever used if at all. “sir” is often used when talking *to* someone, like “what would you like, sir” as a form of respect, but referring to a third person as “sir” sounds really odd.

The normal conversational way would be using it at the beginning of the sentence like “Sir, what would you like, or Sir, I noticed you were blinking at me….” Using Sir in those ways sounds stiff and is usually reserved for what people would imagine butler/fancy waiter types. In general honorifics can be used as pronouns easily. Replace Sir with Teacher, officer, judge, etc and it sounds much more normal. It just so happens that sir as a pronoun is extremely formal and you’d likely address them as a different honorific rather than just Sir.

Is this because of the song red flags? That'd only time I've ever heard sir used like that

No, that’s not how you use it but I can see how you would think that it is more commonly used as sir may I do this or thank you sir it is very rarely used in the middle of sentences

Was your waiter Tim Curry? If so, I am very jealous

I’ve never heard this in real life. The closest thing would be “what can I get for you sir?

I think I only recognize this in two contexts. 1. I *think* in some southern/black contexts, I've seen Sir or Mister used in this way, but it's more like a title for someone in the family. And I think that's an old thing, not sure anyone does that anymore. So, like maybe my grandma had someone she called Sir, whether it was her father, grandfather or step-variant of those. But no one in her generation used anything like that. 2. Kink, which I won't elaborate on. I've never heard this in public or used amongst strangers.

I've never heard sie used as a pronoun outside the military

For once, maybe someone will call me "sir" without adding "you're making a scene"-- Homer Simpson (s7e14)

Sir is not a pronoun.

As an American, I hear, "What would you like, sir?" or "Excuse me, Sir" but not using "sir" as in place of "you". You would use it in place of a person's name, because you aren't close enough to know their name or they are a superior or an elder to you. Americans also use sir when talking to little boys to be cute.

I've only heard sir used to get someone's attention or if a stranger is apologetic. "Excuse me, sir?" "I'm sorry sorry, sir, we'll take care of that right away. Ma'am and miss also work here. Mister and Misses, by comparison, are titles only. In older movies you may hear "hey mister!" But no one says that seriously these days.

I’ve heard “Sir” used as a pronoun in BDSM relationships somewhat commonly, with a submissive referring to their dominant as such. I have never experienced this in a restaurant, regardless of the number of Michelin stars. The pronoun in those situations is more commonly “the Gentleman.”

Once I was at a nice restaurant with my family, and the waiter said, “And for the lady?” to my six-year-old niece, just to get a smile out of her, I assume, but that’s the closest I’ve ever heard to this usage in real life.

This never happens

American here. The only time I've seen someone use sir the way you are using it ( as a replacement for "you") was from a Philipino person visiting the US. Typically, the sir goes at the end of the sentence- "What would you like, sir?" "Can I interest you in dessert, sir?" Or it goes at the beginning to get their attention - "Sir, your table is ready. "Sir, your guests have arrived."

It's very uncommon, but strangely I encountered this literally yesterday (US, southern California) when a person at the register said "are you with the sir that was ahead of you?" after he ordered first and she wanted to know if we were at the same table. It was not a fancy place at all, just an order-at-the-counter place. It was strange enough that I remarked on it to my friends at the table, but it kind of made sense. I can't recall another time I've heard it, but I'm sure it has happened.

Yeah, like the other commenters, I’ve only ever heard sir/miss/ma’am when the waiter or speaking to the customer directly. Like “Can I take your order, sir?” Would be normal enough at a nice restaurant, but “Can I take sir’s order?” Would be weird as hell. When speaking about the customers, wait staff are more likely to use “the gentleman/the lady,” “you/your party,” or “guests.” As in, “is the gentleman ready to place an order?” Or “Is your party ready to order?” Or “here’s the house special for our guests.”

I have never heard this

As a greeting: hello sir! How are you this evening? All the time. The examples you give that use sir are a 3rd person pronoun, never. I haven't even ever heard it used except in a movie where people are pretending to be fancy and don't know what they're doing (IE it's a mistake written into the script on purpose to make people seem even more out of place than they already are).

We say it like this when we're being sarky to the person, making them seem important but not deserving of the ego.

Sir is respectful but often feels too respectful. People would rather you meet them on their level and just talk to them rather than you fuss around with a bunch of formalities. This is true of waiters and waitresses too. Even in fancy places in the U.S. they sometimes don’t even use pronouns (even things such as “you”) because 1 it’s unnecessary and 2 can seem a little direct for the situation Additionally the literal only time I’ve ever seen/heard sir being used by two native speakers who collectively understand what is happening is 1. Sales/support calls where costumer satisfaction is prioritized 2. Talking to a military superior.

Incredibly rare and antiquated, basically only in movies or TV shows trying to show something as very fancy and/or pretentious.

In the Philippines, this is commonplace.

In the American south we say ma'am and sir to every adult essentially

Exactly one time in my 40 years on this earth have I heard it. We were referring to a captain in the army who was also in training with us and the instructor said "The Sir knows" To this day I am sad that I didn't roast her.

Common. I guess it depends on your definition of common… But I’m surprised I’m the only one saying this. And I’m nothing special. I just feel that, sir is a word that is often used when they don’t know what else to call you.

Canadian here. I only ever hear it if the server is foreign-born.

Nobody says that and I'd think it was weird if someone said that.

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As an American I have never heard this usage of sir. It sounds like how I would imagine an old timey butler would talk.

British here: this strikes me as something you’d only ever hear from film/tv show scenes set in extremely fancy restaurants at least 100 years ago

ive never heard that

Yeah. I’ve heard it, but never in a real life setting.

It’s not a pronoun

American here, but with English friend who lived here when we were in junior high. His name is Philip, and that's what he went by when I knew him in school. After he returned with his family to England, he began going by Phil. When we first reconnected about 20 years ago, I kept slipping up and referring to him as Philip. My father was also Philip, but went by Phil exclusively, and my friend knows this. I know there are plenty of men out there named Joe, Bob,, Tom, Jim, and, yes, even Phil, but I jokingly asked my friend for special permission to continue to call him Philip. His response? "Well, Sir will do." Ever since that long-ago conversation, I will work "Sir "into a conversation or an email, and he signed his annual Christmas card to us that way. He also sends Christmas card to my adult daughter and her dogs because he's heard a lot about them through me, and she's been around when I've been on the phone with him, so they have had a few conversations and have established some sort of a "relationship". He signs his cards to her "Phil". Sir is the word I use when I'm just being silly. "Oh, the neighbors mustn't play their music too loudly. Sir doesn't appreciate that sort of nonsense." Again, it's totally playful/silly and just between the two of us.

Only at very expensive and fancy restaurants have I heard that. I've been addressed "What would madam like..." It is super rare

I'd suggest it's more used pejoratively. Where one is required to be polite, but perhaps holds a certain amount of contempt for the person in question. Being obsequious as a 'f\*\*\* you!'.

As a native English speaker and a fine dining server, I have never heard ‘sir’ used that way

According to Genius the actual line from that Tom Cardy song is "Bonjour, Sir was blinking at me," which would imply either the restaurant is very high-class and all the waiters effect a old school attitude which includes using French and pretending it's the early 20th C...or that the waiter is French and so isn't speaking in a standard English way. Or maybe both.

Absolutely. I've heard (and used) it lots and lots of times Native speaker, years in customer facing roles.

Common in usa

Maybe it's more common in the south, but if you go to a higher end restaurant or even just one you sit down at and a waiter comes to your table, it's not uncommon to have the waiter address each individual as "sir" or "ma'am"

It's commonly used in hospitality as a direct pronoun (Good evening sir / Are you enjoying your meal sir? / etc) but the third person version here (would sir like / is sir satisfied with / etc) is very antiquated and not often if at all used anymore.

This would never occur in real life.

They talk like that on the TV show "are you being served" which is British from the 70s. They don't talk about each other like that, only the shop customers. It's a way of addressing a stranger when you don't know their name. It's very servant/waitstaff coded

The way you phrased it above, the usage is quite dated and would most likely be interpreted as mocking in modern day. Perhaps in the 19th century, this might have been used in formal situations.

It's not used as a pronoun, but "what would you like, sir" is common

american here. i have never heard 'sir' used as a pronoun except in fictional(ized) depictions of the aristocracy, and people joking about those depictions of the aristocracy.

Using Sir or Madam as a pronoun is a stilted and formal way of saying "the boss". The implication is that the speaker is a very snobbish butler serving a demanding aristocrat. With that in mind, it's almost always more subservient than the situation merits. In real life, between a waiter and their customer, it might mean: "I am mocking us both by being overly deferential, ha ha, we are hilarious". It could also be used purely to add a fake air of formality to a question; to indicate genuine desire to please; or as a hostile way of saying "you're an overly demanding asshole". You could do something similar by saying "your wish is my command" and bowing.

i never have, but i've also never been to a fancy restaurant. feels kind of dated to me though.

This makes me uncomfortable

This sounds like something in a very fancy setting rather than used casually. Usually waiter staff will just point to a customer and say "What can I get for you?" In some parts, they'll end it with "sir" or "ma'am" or "miss."

This is standard Indian English! I’m from the US and no one uses sir as a pronoun here, but I’ve had some business trips to India and that seems standard of the Indian dialect. It depends on what type of English you’re learning!

I have absolutely never heard this used in real life.

British English here. I hear this only at quite old school up market restaurants. I find it quite endearing.

Sounds like something Marcy from Charlie Brown might do. Quite rare, but the closest you're likely to find is a restaurant setting where the man orders first, and then the waiter might turn to the woman and say, "and for the lady?" Other posters have commented that the counterpart here is gentleman, not sir - but I imagine it's not completely out of the question in all contexts.

I'm a northerner got a service job in the American South and quickly learned that sir and ma'am are customary. People aren't quite offended if you don't use them but it's considered natural and respectful to use them