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Guide to using Singular "They"

New-Cicada7014
I'm a native English speaker who uses singular they/them pronouns. Here's a quick guide to using them: Although this may seem like a new linguistic development, the singular *they* has been in use in English since the 14th century. You can use it to refer to anyone whose gender or preferred pronouns you don't know, or for someone who chooses to go by those pronouns. When in doubt, just ask! Don't beat yourself up too much for getting it wrong, just keep doing your best. It's not a big deal if you don't make it one. But remember: Treat others the way you want to be treated. You wouldn't like someone calling you a "she" when you're a "he" or anything like that, so try to give others the same respect. In many cases, the singular *they* sounds similar to the plural *they*, but there are some exceptions. For example, "Are" is typically used instead of "is" for singular *they*, just because it sounds better. "Is" would technically be grammatically correct for the singular *they*, but it sounds strange. Still, you should be understood regardless. Examples of singular *they*: - They - Them - Their/Theirs - Themself - Theirself Examples of singular *they* in sentences: - "Oh, I've met *them*! *They're* really funny." - "Do you know where *they* went?" - "Have you seen *their* shirt?" - "*They* found it hard to imagine *themself* in that situation." - "*They're* going to do it *theirself*." I hope this was helpful! If you have any questions, just ask!

19 comments

timmytissue•
Is themself and theirself used? I would still say "themselves" but most of my use of singular they doesn't relate to gender identity, just non relevant gender situations. Eg, I spoke to the technician but they kept contradicting themselves, so I sought other opinions.
WhirlwindTobias•
Themselves is perfectly fine for singular. Theirself even comes up as a typo. \_I have no idea who my manager is. They must keep to themselves.\_ This topic is already complicated enough without adding two redundant words into the mix. In addition the correctness of "They is" is less grammar, and more dialect. AAVE uses it, but it's still considered non-standard and would get you a "wrong" in a test. Grammatically "They" should retain the original conjugations, (if you use AAVE, keep "is", just like "we is". What's more conducive IMO is simply teaching that "They/their" isn't always a plurality.
zig7777•
They/them enbie from Canada here. Themself doesn't need to exist.  Them should still stay grammatically plural, and trying to cludge it like that sounds wrong and performative. Themselves is fine, same with they are.
Mack2Daddy•
Please don't
brokebackzac•
Singular they did not exist that early as a personal pronoun for an individual person who was known, it was used as an IMpersonal pronoun for when the sex/gender/number of people did not matter to the context of the sentence, but a pronoun was still called for. Ex. "Someone left their coat." You don't know who, you don't care who, the who doesn't matter at all. The only thing that matters is that there is a coat that doesn't belong where it is. Back then, if the sex/gender/number was known, it was considered insulting and dehumanizing to refer to someone using singular they, akin to referring to someone as "it" or "heshe." Its use as an acceptable common personal pronoun for someone who is gender nonconforming, agender, etc. is fairly recent in the grand scheme of things.
SorghumDuke•
It’s an interesting modern cultural phenomenon. A lot of English speaking communities don’t use the word like this. English learners might want to be careful about adopting such niche ultra-modern parlance. 
Taiqi_•
I dislike the concept of "singular" and "plural" verbs, since in practice, it is only *third person* singular nouns that take it, those being "he", "she", and "it". Both "I" and the singular "you" use what are called "plural verbs". Though singular "they" would technically fall into the category of third personal singular pronouns, it can still be considered exempt, and either works really. I also frequently use "themself", but I don't personally use "theirself".
jistresdidit•
I just use him, her, she, he. If it's a non-binary I usually say them unless I know their name and call them that. The use of sex in a pronoun exists before the 14th century. The rise in it's usage is only in the last 10 years. I also cheat and use terms of endearment which imply a friendly respect such as guys, girls, friends, amigos, peeps. I also don't ask people to go out of their way to refer to me as Mr. Smith, or your royal highness. In Hawaii you can also use the local word 'mune' which means the third sex.
SoggyWotsits•
It’s strange that you brought it up, because I see it very often on Reddit. Someone will describe a person (or even animal) as him or her and others will go on to refer to that person as they or them. If someone wants to use they/them, that’s fine but it doesn’t need to be the automatic choice.
ArvindLamal•
Hi they, how are they feeling today?
AdCertain5057•
I 100% agree that the singular "they" is just a standard part of native-speaker English and shouldn't be considered incorrect. When I hear people talking about how the singular they is a new thing that's ruining the language I think, "Have these people ever paid attention to their own speech????" Almost everyone uses the singular they in speech and it has been that way for a long time. But.... I would say that using "is" with "they" is incorrect and will make you sound like a low-level learner. And "themself" may be OK in some places but it sounds wrong to me. Just as it's fine to use "they" to refer to one person, using "themselves" in this way is also fine IMO.
Aylauria•
It's polite to call people the pronouns they prefer. But it absolutely can cause confusion bc they is overwhelmingly used to denote more than one person and has been for years.
frostbittenforeskin•
“Theirself” isn’t a word “Themself” hurts my ears a bit too, but at least it follows the pattern of himself and herself. I’m still gonna stick with themselves though.
jaquelinecoutt•
Nice
Affectionate-Mode435•
Firstly, this is such a great post thank you. Secondly, right now this is a very hot topic with my current employer. A debate is raging at the mo' with myself and a colleague on one side, and the institution on the other. We have both been told to stop including this topic. The argument levelled at us is that it's confusing and distracting for learners and that we are politicising pedagogy unnecessarily. My personal view is that language, culture and communication do not, and cannot exist outside of politics, values or ideology in some mythical social vacuum. I also feel that we do not know all our learners' stories, we don't know how they live. There may indeed be someone, or even a few of them who live in ways and who think of themselves and others in ways that require an understanding of this topic. Who are we to say no, you are not allowed to learn this? It is so absurd when Oxford, Cambridge and Merriam-Webster grammars all cover it in detail.
royalhawk345•
Don't say "they is," you'll sound like an idiot.
Affectionate-Mode435•
It never ceases to surprise (read as: disappoint) me how many folks continue to make the argument that "Nobody I know speaks like this and saints preserve me, I certainly never would. So this is incorrect." That is so messed up. I have never heard anyone speaking about the rhizotomy of pseudoplastic fluids or use the word thixotropic in a sentence, and may the Goddess of Chocolate protect my soul, I have never had occasion to speak thusly! So should I then conclude that anyone who does speak about such things in that way must be incorrect? [where's your head](https://www.townsvillemagpie.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/The-Wankley-Award.jpg)
NonAwesomeDude•
"It" in place of singular they is often more natural, especially in reference to a fetus or baby of unspecified gender. People chafe at being called "it" though.
Sepa-Kingdom•
I think we should start a movement to change to using ‘is’ with singular they! It would make so much more sense and re move ambiguity!