Native English speakers, please help me, I’ve never been able to figure out this question

English speakers are so accustomed to hearing accents and bad grammar that we don’t really care that much. If you have any accent at all, all grammar errors are ignored if we understand what you’re trying say. If someone with an accent approached me and said “where bathrooms is?” I would just help them find the bathroom. I would not be offended or pretend I didn’t know what they’re asking. If someone with no accent said “where bathrooms is?” I would be like “what the hell are you talking about?”

English is fairly forgiving in this way. Even with errors, we can usually understand what the speaker meant. Remember that most people who speak English do not speak it natively — as native speakers, we are in the minority. We’re all very accustomed to non-fluent speech. It’s absolutely nothing to worry about.

Don’t worry so much about making errors. You’ll learn more, the more you practice. I think most people, native English speakers and non-native speakers will understand you, even with minor grammar mistakes. I think the chance of being ridiculed for it is really small. At least in the U.S., there are so many people here from all over the world. Not everyone speaks perfectly.

First, I just want to remind you there are more than 160 recognised dialects of English. So while we have a central standard grammar, there are more than 160 variations on that and we hear those variations all the time. When we do we don't think OMG that was not standard English usage and grammar, we just take it all in as part of that speaker's linguistic identity. There are many ethnic groups that have their own style of speaking English, not quite a dialect, but they share grammar variations among people from the same ethnic background. When we meet people like that, or learners or tourists or refugees or immigrants who are not speaking fluent standard English with perfect grammar our first thought is a human communicative one (unless you're a racist shithead) we see and hear someone making an effort to express themselves in our language so we adjust how we listen and sometimes how we speak if we feel it is necessary. Second, in real life no native speakers speak English casually with grammar first and foremost on their mind. We are sloppy as hell and we speak to communicate, share, express, entertain, love, help, fight, explain, chastise, humiliate, nurture, joke, teach, praise, reassure, offend, and care for each other. We say what we need to say without giving grammar a thought because half of those rules we aren't even aware of and were never taught. Beyond everyday casual conversation, friends and family, and people we meet on the bus or in a cafe or wherever- so at work or speaking to a public official or authority- we adapt how we say what we say to the local standard, but even then, many of us sometimes add a pinch of a little colour n spice to that official standard, often as a verbal way of letting the listener know we are human and real and have a personality, and are not hardline about being correct. Always keeping in mind to be respectful and appropriate. I teach in two different contexts, one a private college where learners pay to learn correct English, the other- a government program for asylum seekers and refugees in desperate need of some basic survival skills. When my incredibly polite, respectful, serious Korean learners at the college make errors, I let them finish, thank them and make a general point to the class about certain common errors of grammar that all learners tend to make. At the government program when two young Sudanese boys present their rendition of a US rap song (with lots of profanity but they don't even know that) to the group with the hugest widest smiles you could ever imagine and then are so damn excited and proud of themselves, and half a dozen people try their hardest to make a sentence about what just happened, I am fighting back the tears. Because what I hear is two orphaned boys rescued from human trafficking who have no-one, absolutely no-one, who have now found each other and together forged an unconventional way into English that they enjoy, and I think phew, maybe they're gonna be ok. And when I see that these two boys have sparked something in the others in the group and I start to sense a shift in everyone from despair, fear and confusion to mild hope, less anxiety and a glimmer of possibility that they can learn this, they can do this, their way, they can start a new safe life with their English, not mine, not some abstract standard, then I go home feeling that it's (almost) not right that I can get paid for playing a part in something so beautiful. So you go right ahead and make as many wonderful beautiful mistakes as it takes you at first, and share **your** English with us and give us all a chance to get to know you and hear your voice. From there, over time, we can work together to get the essential grammar in better shape. But in the meantime just speak, we are ready to listen. 🙉

Your question reminds me of my music teacher who was trying to keep me from letting one mistake cause a collapse of the performance. A wrong note or wrong rhythm is only one part of the music. Don't let all the other parts (tempo, harmony, line, dynamics) of the music suffer because of one aspect. Sure, you made a grammar or vocabulary mistake. Your confidence and tempo need not change. And if you're speaking with someone you are comfortable with, it can be the source of humor! If you make a mistake, don't beat yourself up about it. Keep going and learn from it. Furthermore, if someone thinks to ridicule you, they are the stupid person. Ask them to speak YOUR language (or ANY other language) without mistakes. You are miles ahead of him (or her) and they don't even know it.

I don't know what it's like in the culture/language you're coming from but in the US we have a long tradition of large amounts of immigration so we're used to having people with accents around us. It's not a big deal! Also in our culture, it's rude to give unsolicited advice or correct other people so it's likely we won't do that. And we know English is a chaotic, irregular mess of a language that is pretty hard. Also, there are certain kinds of mistakes little kids make, stuff like saying "I goed" instead of "I went" for example. People who are ESL make entirely different sorts of mistakes. If you speak slowly and clearly and enunciate, we can probably figure out what you're trying to say. Then with practice you'll get better.

As someone once said, first learn the rules and then break them. You don't need perfect grammar but if you encounter someone that has difficulties understanding you it's good to know something you both know for a fact. Of course there's the job market where if you want to work with international workers then street slang won't do.

No — grammar mistakes aren’t childish. They’re a natural part of learning and using a language, especially one as irregular and idiomatic as English. In fact, mistakes often show that you’re actively thinking, trying, and reaching beyond your current limits — which is exactly how fluency develops. Calling grammar mistakes *childish* says far more about the person making that judgment than about the speaker or writer. It reflects a shallow understanding of language — one that prioritizes surface-level perfection over communication, effort, and growth. It ignores the complexity of language, the inevitability of trial and error, and the courage it takes to express yourself in a second (or third) language. There’s *nothing* childish about that. But there *is* something deeply immature about mocking someone who’s learning. Keep going, and don’t let the fear of small mistakes silence your voice. What you’re doing takes real strength — and anyone who’s ever truly learned a language knows that. ❤️

Most native speakers I know make very common grammar errors on a daily basis. Keep talking and don’t worry about errors. If someone doesn’t understand, they’ll tell you and you can try to find another way to say it.

So I was like you, I lived in Italy as an exchange student. I was afraid to speak unless I had had formulated the sentence in my head perfectly. I was a shy kid. My exchange student friend who was very outgoing just spoke without worrying about grammar at all. Guess who ended up being more fluent in Italian?

 Overthinking grammar can be paralyzing, especially when you just want to express yourself. As a non-native speaker, I used to stress about every little mistake too but honestly, most native speakers can easily understand you even if your grammar isn’t perfect. Sure, good grammar helps with clarity, but it’s not the end of the world if you slip up. What matters most is getting your point across and improving over time.

literally no one cares dude. many people who *live* in america do t make any effort to learn if your trying to lwarn and speak competently thats more than enough

Grammar is important, but most Americans will understand what you’re saying and be patient that you’re learning in day to day life. I wouldn’t worry about it so much.

If you’re committed to learning something new, you have to be committed to making mistakes. That’s how people learn. You can memorize all the conjugation tables you can find and watch English sitcoms for years, but the reality is that you *will* make some mistakes. You’ll learn from them and become more and more comfortable and confident as your fluency improves (it already seems strong based on your writing, but I know speaking is a different skill). Making mistakes doesn’t make you childish or stupid. It means you’re brave enough to work towards improvement. If anyone is mean or judgmental, that says *way* more about their cruelty than about your English proficiency. Keep trying, friend! I believe you can do it and that it will be worth it.